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Sunday, August 08, 2004 

Theo & Me

So, I'm standing in beautiful Bright House Networks Field--home of the Clearwater Threshers--Saturday night waiting out a rain delay when I notice an attractive couple dressed noticably better than the rest of the crowd. My first thought was that the guy looked familiar, a little like Theo Epstein. After a few moments, the synapses clicked and I remembered that the Threshers were playing the Sarasota Red Sox and that, yes, I was a few feet from the wonderboy GM. No, I didn't say anything to him. As I have inexplicably run across a fair number of celebrities recently, I've realized that they're nothing more than recognizable strangers. Sure, I could have grilled him on Nomargate or started a "1918" chant or rubbed my back-to-back LOC championships in his face, but what would have been the point. It was like staring through a portal into a bizarro world of what could have been and then realizing that, no, it couldn't have.

The game was DOA, finally being called after an hour. For the record, Theo lingered with the damp masses until the end. Two Sox fans briefly engaged him in an exchange, the only crack in his anonymity. Right before he left, he twice passed within a foot of me. I stand by my decision not to poke him.

I must say, as a Yankee fan, I am a little jealous of Theo the Wonder Boy. The guy is 27 (like me), short (like me), and running a major league ball club like it's on TQStats.com (unlike me, who just pretends to run a team on TQStats.com). Now here is where the jealousy comes in. He's 27, short, and running a major league ball club. Where did I go wrong? Was it the endless bong hits? Or the kegs I drained? Or is it that I am just too lazy to do any research? I have come to the conclusion that I don't have any natural talent, and everything I need to do must come from hard work. I just don't have the hard work ethic in me. Or do I? Nope probably not. The point of this: nothing. Except that I'm much better looking than Theo the Wonder Boy. And he's a first class pansy.

If it makes you feel any better, Theo is actually 30 and not that short (about my height). Hmm...that doesn't make me feel better.

He was 27 once, and I still don't like him. Don't you feel bad Frank. We're all short. Except for Big Mike, who's not short at all.

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