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Wednesday, August 11, 2004 

Remake made bad

I was driving to work yesterday morning, flipping through radio stations. I came across 103.5 KTU, and a catchy little diddy was playing. It sounded familiar, but the techno beat knocked me for a loop. I sat trying to figure it out, and then, like a dodge ball in 6th grade, it hit me right in the face. It was Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline", and my heart dropped. I couldn't understand it. Who were the ad wizards that came up with this one? Was there a public outcry for bad dance music featuring Neil? Was I still in America?

To make matters worse, 20 minutes later I heard yet another familiar song. Again, I tried to place it, but alas. could not. It wasn't until I heard the familiar "Real Love" from a horrible singer who wasn't Mary J., and I finally realized it. I was in some kind of communist bizarro nation where they take good tunes and make them horrible.

EW, i suggest you do what i do, and that is listen to the radio as little as possible. and by that i mean only in the few seconds it takes to change CDs in your car stereo.
i've completely given up on radio. the classic rock stations have a rotation of about 8 songs. some, like LI's WBAB, now take completely random songs and play them in heavy rotation as if they're a new release. they do this with the acoustic version of STP's "Plush". this came out maybe 10 years ago, yet they play it about every 10 minutes (i'm not fucking kidding) and even give it this pre-recorded intro as they would do with a brand new song. i'm totally and utterly boggled by this. they also seem to be unaware that AC/DC has other songs besides "You Shook Me...", Boston has a few other songs besides "More Than A Feeling", and KISS has at least one other song besides "Rock and Roll All Nite".

i have heard some songs turned into to dance/techno songs that i couldn't believe...like phil collins' "do you remember". it's just this nothing song but they took it and just made it a dance song. i have a theory that every song that can ever be written has already been. all combinations of notes and combinations of rhyming words are all taken so they have to do remakes.

by the way, i love my my phil collins.

Jessica Simpson is a hottie, but if I hear her remake another bad 80's love song, I may put my foot through her sister (don't get me started on how much I hate that little whoooooo-aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh).

Music says a lot about the man, and Phil Collins definitely does say a lot. She's an easy lover. Billy don't you lose my number. Take a look at me now. Su, su, sussudio, ooo. Yup, says a lot.

What's worse, I think, is when they take a dance song from a genre other than house or club or disco, and then turn it into a dance song from one of those genres. They do this with country songs--and I mean old ones, too--it seems. I heard this on a "hot music" radio station in Bremen last week. What a world!

I actually heard a dance song from the 80's remixed into a dance song in the 90's, to hear it again remixed, yet again, in the 04's. It will never end.

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